Breaking up with friends
21 July 2021
We've touched on this before in our "Toxic Relationships" episode, but we thought we'd go a little deeper into decluttering friendships.
Why would you want to end a friendship? And if you do, how do you do it?
The goal is to let go of unwanted friendships in an elegant, gentle, helpful way - not to cause distress or hurt feelings. It is normal to expect a level of grief but there should not be trauma if it is managed delicately.
Why might you be in the position of wishing to let go of a friendship?
- Feel the relationship is unequal/ unbalanced
- Feeling used
- Feeling consistently brought-down/ exhausted/ depleted
- Feeling ignored/ left behind
- Feeling deceived/ lack of trust
Once you decided to actively let a friendship go - how do you do it in a way that is healthy and helpful?
- Recognise it will still be emotional - for both parties
- Show compassion
- Can just start creating distance but is better to be upfront and honest about your wish for the friendship to end.
- Write a letter to explain your feelings
- Organise a phone call or preferably a face-to-face meeting
Keep your focus on you
- How it makes you feel
- What you expected/ expect
- What needs of yours that aren’t being met
- Avoid pointing the finger and blaming the other person
Avoid involving anyone else
Be grateful for the good times (Kon Mari method - see link below)
Avoid allowing yourself to be ‘talked back into it’
The best part about decluttering the friendships that no longer feel healthy is that you make space in your life for new friendships to occur or space to go deeper with your wanted friendships.
“You can't change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.” Joshua Fields-Milburn (link below)
Shows/ Movies mentioned:
- Schitts Creek
- Sex and the City
- Sleepless in Seattle
- You've got Mail
- Muriel's Wedding (scene described linked below)