Past Relationship Clutter
16 June 2020
This week Bec and Tara explore the baggage we bring with us from relationship to relationship - why we do it and how we might recognise it and make changes if it's unhelpful.
What is past relationship clutter?
- A feeling, behaviour or unresolved issue that stems from our past (a previous experience or relationship) which can show up in new unrelated relationships.
- It can feel like a weight we have to carry or you can be completely oblivious of it.
There is a threshold at which the amount of clutter starts to impair your ability to function as you would wish.
People’s threshold differs.
Some people move on quickly and have no problem starting fresh. Others carry much of the past with them wherever they go.
Past relationship clutter becomes unhelpful when it starts to negatively affect the quality or the longevity of new/ existing relationships.
How to avoid letting baggage affect new relationships:
- Clean slate
- Accept the past for what it is
- Look at positive potential rather than negative potential
- Give yourself time to heal/ grieve and disconnect from previous failed relationships
- Open communication
- Give people permission to call you out on your past relationship clutter behaviours
- If needed- get a counsellor to help facilitate discussions
- Cultivate a great relationship with yourself- this is the best foundation for all new relationships